One-Hundred Posts…One-Hundred D’ohs

It is our one-hundredth post here at Everything Simpsons, and to celebrate, we will state one-hundred of our favorite quotes (20 each). Enjoy!

Harriette Kendrick’s First Ten Favorite Quotes

100. “Don’t kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he’d eat you and everyone you care about.” — Troy McClure

99. “Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had a goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? Why did I have the bowl?” — Milhouse Van Houten

98. “I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn.” — Chief Clancy Wiggum

97. “Please don’t offer my God a peanut.” — Apu Nahasapeemapetilon

96. “Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos.” — Homer Simpson

95. “Jesus must be spinning in his grave!” — Barney Gumble

94. “Look out, Itchy! He’s Irish!” — Milhouse Van Houten

93. “Aaaah! Natural light! Get it off me! Get it off me!” — Barney Gumble

92. “Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.” — Homer Simpson

91. “Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There’s a New Mexico?” — Mr. Burns

90. “I don’t like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing, there’s too many fat children.” — Mr. Burns

Maggie Albert’s First Ten Favorite Quotes

89. “Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true!” — Homer Simpson

88. “..And the fluffy little kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night.” — Kent Brockman

87. “A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds…it makes ice.” — Homer Simpson

86. “Homer no function beer well without.” — Homer Simpson

85. “Indeed, this is a disturbing universe.” — Maggie Simpson

84. “Well, he’s kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace ‘accidentally’ with ‘repeatedly’ and replace ‘dog’ with ‘son’.” — Lionel Hutz

83. “Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 91….2.” — Chief Clancy Wiggum

82. “I was learning how to be more judgmental.” — Maude Flanders

81. “Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the…uh….what cures cancer?” — Chief Clancy Wiggum

80. “I’m so glad you cho-cho-chose to come!” — Ralph Wiggum

Tom Barker’s First Ten Favorite Quotes

79. “Aww…ain’t that cute? Makes Li’l Debbie look like a pile of puke.” — Moe Szyslak

78. “Me fail English? That’s unpossible.” — Ralph Wiggum

77. “Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.” — Bart Simpson

76. “I bent my Wookie.” — Ralph Wiggum

75. “Suspect is hatless, repeat hatless.” — Chief Clancy Wiggum

74. “Don’t ask me, I’m just hair. Your head stopped eighteen inches ago.” — Marge Simpson

73. “Ooh, look at that adorable spice rack. Eight spices? There must be doubles. Or-ah-gah-no…what the hell?” — Marge Simpson

72. “And when the doctor said I didn’t have worms anymore, that was the happiest day of my life.” — Ralph Wiggum

71. “Thank you, Ralph. Very graphic.” — Ms. Hoover

70. “Hi, Lisa! We’re going to be in a pie.” — Ralph Wiggum

Nathan Sites’ First Ten Favorite Quotes

69. “Television: teacher, mother, secret lover!” — Homer Simpson

68. “If something’s hard to do, then it’s not worth doing.” — Homer Simpson

67. “Donuts. Is there anything they can’t do?” — Homer Simpson

66. “Onions! In the peas?! What the hell?!” — Homer Simpson

65. “You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You just go in everyday and do really half-assed. That’s the American way!” — Homer Simpson

64. “When will I learn? The answer to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle…they’re on TV!” — Homer Simpson

63. “Please don’t eat me. I have wife and kids. Eat them!” — Homer Simpson

62. “Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you’re prejudiced against all races.” — Homer Simpson

61. “I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.” — Homer Simpson

60. “To start press Any Key. Where’s the any key? I only see ESC, CTRL, and PG UP.” — Homer Simpson

Judy Sites’ First Ten Favorite Quotes

59.”Stupid horse! It’s a deer crossing!” — Homer Simpson

58. “All my life, I’ve been an obese man trapped inside a fat man’s body.” — Homer Simpson

57. “I can’t wait ‘till they throw his hatless butt in jail.” — Homer Simpson

56. “Donuts. Is there anything they can’t do?” — Homer Simpson

55. “You know me, Marge. I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals FUH-LAMING!” — Homer Simpson

54. “I’ve had it with this school, Skinner. Low test scores, class after class of ugly, ugly children…” — Superintendent Chalmers

53. “Oh, and how is ‘educa-tion’ supposed to make me feel smarter?” — Homer Simpson

52. “You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in everyday and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way!” — Homer Simpson

51. “Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill a Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure, it taught me not to judge a man based on the color of his skin….but what good does that do me?” — Homer Simpson

50. “I’m not normally a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me Superman!” — Homer Simpson

Harriette Kendricks’ Final Ten Favorite Quotes

49. “Save me, Jebus.” — Homer Simpson

48. “You don’t win friends with salad!” — Homer/Bart/Marge Simpson

47. “Oh, so they have internet on computers now.” — Homer Simpson

46. “Your questions have become more redundant and annoying than the last three “Highlander” movies.” — Comic Book Guy

45. “Oh….loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.” — Comic Book Guy

44. “Marge, just about everything’s a sin. Y’ever sat down and read this thing? Technically, we’re not supposed to go to the bathroom.” — Reverend Timothy Lovejoy

43. “I was saying ‘Boo-urns’.” — Hans Moleman

42. “You’re gay for Moleman!” — Bart/Lisa Simpson

41. “No-one’s gay for Moleman.” — Hans Moleman

40. “He didn’t give you gay, did he? Did he?!” — Homer Simpson

Maggie Albert’s Final Ten Favorite Quotes

39. “Your toys are fun to touch. Mine are all sticky.” — Ralph Wiggum

38. “Suppose we’ve chosen the wrong religion? Every week, we’re just making God madder and madder!” — Homer Simpson

37. “Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at just one. You wanna drink another woman!” — Homer Simpson

36. “Lisa, I made you some homemade Pepsi for the dance; it’s a little thick, but the price is right.” — Marge Simpson

35. “But, Mom! If you take our cartoons away, we’ll grow up without a sense of humor and become robots.” — Lisa Simpson

34. “Remember, you can always find East by looking directly in the Sun.” — Bart Simpson

33. “Christmas is a time where members of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ.” — Bart Simpson

32. “Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?” — Homer Simpson

31. “English…who needs that? I’m never going to England!” — Homer Simpson

30. “I discovered a meal between breakfast and brunch.” — Homer Simpson

Tom Barker’s Final Ten Favorite Quotes

29. “Mr. Simpson, a Twizzler is not a sprinkle! A Mounds is not a sprinkle! A Jolly Rancher is not a sprinkle!” — Apu Nahasapeemapetilon

28. “Silly customer! You cannot hurt a Twinkie!” — Apu Nahasapeemapetilon

27. “Won’t somebody please think of the children?” — Helen Lovejoy/Moe Szyslak

26. “Fate gave me an awful dilemma…should I rob the guy or rob him and kill him?” — Moe Szyslak

25. “Mr. Burns can’t stand talking to his mother. He never forgave her for having that affair with President Taft.” — Waylon Smithers

24. “We need more secret sauce! Put this mayonnaise in the sun!” — Squeaky Voiced Teen

23. “Oh, the network slogan is true! Watch FOX and be damned for all eternity.” — Ned Flanders

22. “Hey, I’m the police chief here! Bake him away, toys.” — Chief Clancy Wiggum

21. “She didn’t reckon with the awesome power of the Chief of Police! Now where did I put my badge? Hey! That duck’s got it!” — Chief Clancy Wiggum

20. “I know you don’t think you’re good enough for me, but believe me, you are. Hell, I’ve done it with pigs. Real, no-foolin’ pigs!” — Bill Clinton

Nathan Sites’ Final Ten Favorite Quotes

19. “Oh…loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.” — Comic Book Guy

18. “You know me, Marge. I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals FUH-LAMING!” — Homer Simpson

17. ” I’ve spent my entire life doing nothing but collecting comic books… and now there’s only time to say…LIFE WELL SPENT!” — Comic Book Guy

16. “When I look at the smiles on all the children’s faces, I just know they’re about to jab me with something.” — Homer Simpson

15. “The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it’s time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!” — Homer Simpson

14. “I’m never going to be disabled. I’m sick of being so healthy.” — Homer Simpson

13. “Dad, you’ve done a lot of great things, but you’re a very old man, and old people are useless.” — Homer Simpson

12. “Alcohol: The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.” — Homer Simpson

11. “I’m going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes!” — Homer Simpson

10. “Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.” — Homer Simpson

Judy Sites’ Final Ten Favorite Quotes

09. “There, there. Shut up, boy.” — Homer Simpson

08. “Sorry, Bart. You can push them out of a plane, you can march them off a cliff, you can send them off to die on some God-forsaken rock, but for some reason, you can’t slap them.” — Abe ‘Grampa’ Simpson

07. “Life is just one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.” — Homer Simpson

06. “..And I’m not impressed easily. Wow! A blue car!” — Homer Simpson

05. “The bee bit my bottom! Now my bottom’s big!” — Homer Simpson

04. “Don’t eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!” — Homer Simpson

03. “Bart, with $10,000, we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like….love!” — Homer Simpson

02. “Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover!” — Homer Simpson

Finally…my favorite “The Simpsons” quote is…………………………..


The tie is between these quotes:

01. “Hey, buddy, you gotta slow your car down and let me in, because I’m a big fat guy and I can’t go anywhere! Because there could be some poison gas, I… I mean there’s really going to be poison gas, and everybody’s going to be dead, especially me!” — Homer Simpson

01. “You could put relish on your dead mother for all I care!” — Homer Simpson

Anyway, let’s celebrate this milestone and many others! Have a nice 100th post, everyone!


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