“That board with a nail in it may have defeated us, but the humans won’t stop there. They’ll make bigger boards with bigger nails, and soon, they will make a board with a nail so big it will destroy them all!” – Kang

“The Monkey’s Paw; it has the power to grant wishes to its owner.” – Morocco Merchant

“Oh yeah, how much?” – Homer

“Sir, I must strongly advise you to not purchase this. Behind every wish lurks grave misfortune. I, myself, was once the President of Algeria.” – Morocco Merchant

“Is there anything they won’t do?” – Helen Lovejoy

“Well, class, the history of our country has been changed again, to correspond with Bart’s answers on yesterday’s test.” – Mrs. Krabappel

“America was now discovered in 1942 by … “Some Guy,” and we don’t call our country America anymore, it’s … Bonerland.” – Mrs. Krabappel

“I’ll make a wish that can’t backfire.  I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce and mustard and-and I don’t want any zombie turkeys, I don’t want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don’t want any other weird surprises.  You got it? . . . Hey!  Hmmm, mmm, not bad, nice hot mustard, good bread, the turkey’s a little dry . . . the turkey’s a little dry!  Oh foul accursed thing!  What demon from the depths of hell created thee?” – Homer Simpson

(images courtesy of Dead Homer Society)